By Brianne McGuire
Before we get to the specifics of butt play, let’s discuss expectations. The anus is full of nerves and at first, stimulating the area may be uncomfortable. The good news is, this highly sensitive area holds BIG potential for pleasure. With a little training and a lot of patience and lube, you too can achieve what some consider to be the holy grail of pleasure, the anal orgasm.
While it may be easier for people with prostates to climax from anal sex, those without one have equal opportunity for satisfaction. Deep within the vaginal canal and adjacent to the cervix, there lies the A-spot and stimulating this point can lead to an intensely powerful orgasm. Accessing this nerve cluster is possible through the vagina, but going through the butt is a bit like taking a shortcut — easier to find and generally requires less depth of penetration.
Even with the potential for anal orgasm, it’s best to begin butt play with a goal of discovery and not climax. There are many steps between starting and finishing and the more open you are to exploration, the more fun you will have along the way.
All right. My number one tip for sticking anything up your butt is… do not start by sticking something up your butt.
Wash your hands, wash your toys, wash your sex organs, wash your butthole, and do these things before AND after.
A Special note about washing your butthole:
Clean outside and an inch or so inside; the easiest way is while in the shower but this can be done anywhere as long as you have access to soap and water. Don’t put soap directly inside your butthole but use it for your fingers before and after; you’re basically rinsing the areas you can access easily. Avoid using toilet paper because it will leave lint balls, and avoid using wipes because they are bad for the environment and a waste of money. If you’re hesitant about using your fingers, I would suggest you reevaluate how ready you are to play with the butt because this is the easy part.
Any toy should be cleaned thoroughly before even getting near your butt, even if it’s staying on the outside. Use soap and water or a dishwasher, but always check the included instructions first.
If you’re hesitant about using your fingers, I would suggest you reevaluate how ready you are to play with the butt, because this is the easy part.
Trim your fingernails!
The space under the nail is a haven for germs so the shorter the better. Also, penetration and exterior stroking are a lot more fun without the risk of getting scratched.
Invest in lube.
The anus is not self-lubricating and as such you need to supply it yourself once you commit to playing with the inside of your butt. Not only will it feel better, it will help prevent any tissue tears, which can cause some unwanted health risks.
There will probably be poop.
Prepare yourself mentally for the likelihood of mess because there will probably be a bit of poop, most often after penetration. It’s totally normal! Just take some precautions to remain sanitary and play in an area that’s washable; put a towel down or something.
Your anus is surprisingly stretchy but also fragile and extremely sensitive; you need to train it to be accepting of stuff being stuck in there. You also need to train yourself to be comfortable exploring butts, your own and others.
You also need to train yourself to be comfortable exploring butts, your own and others.
Figure out what feels good on the outside before you stick anything inside, mostly because the body’s natural reaction to the unknown is to tense up, and if a butthole is tensed up and you jam something in there anyway, there’s going to be pain. Also, you might tear something, even with lube.
Start with the perineum, a little patch of skin between the sex organs and the anus. Play around with some different things — light pressure, stroking, licking, a vibrator — everyone has different preferences so try it all and don’t be discouraged if it’s not Pleasure Central right off the bat. This is a learning experience!
Next move on to the rim of the anus and apply some stimulation; this is “rimming,” and it can be very satisfying. Take advantage of the ring of nerves around the butthole with circular strokes of the tongue or finger.
If you’re feeling comfortable touching all of these areas and you’ve got some sense of what feels good, get some lube ready because you’re ready for the good stuff, penetration!
Obviously you want to start small and work up to big. Start with one finger and move on to a couple. Then try some small toys, like a butt plug or slim insertable.
A Special note about toys:
Any object you stick inside your anus should have a flared base or some way of preventing it from getting lost. Don’t go sticking any old thing up there, because you will lose it, and nobody wants to deal with that.
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A penis should be the last thing you try because it is attached to a person and thus unpredictable. Size isn’t the biggest issue when it comes to anal sex with another human — it’s how caring they are about navigating your body and needs.
Size isn’t the biggest issue when it comes to anal sex with another human — it’s how caring they are about navigating your body and needs.
Whether using a toy or a penis, foreplay and lube are extremely important! Be patient and communicate with your partner about what feels good and what you need/want.
Use a condom with toys and penises. Even if all parties have been tested and you’re already having unprotected sex, condoms make the transition between acts clean and easy. Once something has been in the butt, it should not go anywhere else without being cleaned first. Of course, some people are into the mess (and the health risks) that come with doing butt-to-mouth or butt-to-vagina stuff, but that’s up to you.
Once something has been in the butt, it should not go anywhere else without being cleaned first.
If it’s your first time doing butt play with a partner, you’re probably going to tense up, even if you’ve trained with toys. But remember, tensing up makes things more difficult, so take a deep breath and take it slow. The receiver should always dictate the speed and force of the anal sex, NOT the giver. A good practice is for the giver to hold still and allow the receiver to back onto the penis or toy as they become ready.
The receiver should always dictate the speed and force of the anal sex, NOT the giver.
Stimulate other areas to help the receiver relax; use a vibrator on the clitoris, stroke a nipple, caress the perineum. When first exploring penetration, sometimes the body forgets that it was aroused and needs a reminder. By touching your partner in ways and places that have nothing to do with the butt, you will inspire the whole body to be at ease and give your partner the opportunity to find the perfect combination of pleasure points.
Sticking things up your butt can be so much fun — maybe even the most fun — it’s just a matter of finding out what works for you. Our bodies may all be different but we each have the potential for great physical satisfaction. So get out there! Embrace the mess, and find your special route to booty heaven.
Brianne McGuire is a writer, designer and podcaster living in New York City. She is the founder of GRAPHICPAINT, a platform for explicit creative media, and host of the podcast SEX COMMUNICATION, which features audio recordings of real sex, personal histories and weekly confessionals. By presenting honest accounts of sexual experience alongside common lifestyle themes, she is normalizing the taboo and creating a cultural shift towards the free expression of boundaries, desires and identity. You can follow her at @graphicpaint on Instagram and Twitter.